Sunday, September 28, 2008
School is great, I am learning lots but struggling with emotional issues that keep cropping up as I hurl towards the 2nd anniversary of Mary's death.. however, I am in the right place to grow through everything that comes up. I will see my new Psychotherapist sometime in the next 2 weeks (25 hours of therapy is required for the program) and will begin to unravel some of this mess I call my internal life... I am really looking forward to the peace that will come with that. I have finally started dreaming again, I haven't since Mary was diagnosed, so that is nice even though some of the dreams are freakish, it is cool to have a dream state again.
Everything else is grand, I am learning how to make bread with a bread maker... not as easy as it sounds.. so far the only bread that has turned out is New Brunswick Molasses Brown bread, and Oh is it sweet... I had it with fried potatoes and molasses beans the other night... ah childhood memories! Remember that on Friday nights of no meat! I will write more later after the fair!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
The one upside/downside of all of this is the emotional work, is that it opens up my Mary wounds and illuminates my broken heart. Well the broken heart, of course, is from more than Mary, but all of my brokenness is over shadowed by her loss. The good news is that when I went within it was not as bad as I feared. Over the past 2 years (OMG I still can not believe it has been 2 years in November, it still feels like yesterday) I have done a lot of healing work with therapists and Elders and have let go of a great deal of emotional baggage in the process. I can now come to this work prepared to break free and really experience gratitude for Mary and for what she has taught me and gifted me with her death, and for the other teachers who, for better or worse, have impacted my journey. It really is like the Universe is conspiring to bring me to this place of healing so that I can channel that healing energy for others. And I am so very grateful for this opportunity.
Each of my classmates comes from different places and with a different set of experiences to share, some corporate, some questioning, some from other healing professions and some from pain and suffering, and each time they share they teach me with their point of view and I am so very grateful for them and their willingness to share with me.
This past week has also had some fun times. On Friday I went to the Carrot Common on the Danforth with 2 classmates, Val and John Paul and we had a blast shopping for healing crystals and massage oils. Then we went to Kennsington Market which is a mirage of funky stores, organic food and vegetarian restaurants. Another place for round pegs! hehe I have put some pictures on my facebook!
Also this week end Julie and I finished up the canning with cabbage rolls and stuffed peppers both smothered in homemade tomato sauce, and Salsa with lots of coriander. Well Back to my studies, of Anatomy and Physiology and shopping on Ebay for a massage table.
This week end also marked the leaving of our dear friend Luke Clark who is going Overseas to serve in the Army, Good Luck Luke, you will be in our thoughts and prayers for a safe return!
Happy Birthday Ronnie and Teresa!
Monday, September 15, 2008
I am exhausted.. last night I barely slept.. I was too excited... so now I am off to bed early.. night.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The food Asma cooked was absolutely divine; Pakora, fried potatoes battered in chick pea flour and dipped in a yogurt, coriander and mint chutney; Dahi Barry, fried sweet lentil patties in yogurt and chick peas; Chicken Curry; and Chicken Paalak, chicken cooked with spicy sweet spinach. I do believe an angel sat on my tongue that night, absolutely amazing. And the hospitality. Asma's sister Nadia and her 2 children joined us and we had a great evening. I can not wait to go again. I love learning about new culture's and faiths and I have had so many questions about the Muslim faith, and I am very excitedly learning!
And no it did not escape me that Thursday was September 11. I have had so much loss in my life these past few years that I knew that on this day of mourning I wanted to do something special, something spiritual and who better than with those that I do not understand and Asma is an Ahamdi Muslim and they practice non-violence. She is a kind and beautiful woman and so is her family. I felt like an honored guest in her home, and it was wonderful. I am going again during Ramadan for a Bazzar in her building... hummm do I see some lovely bangles in my future!
This week end Julie and I are harvesting the back yard. Beets and carrots are ready as well as 100's of pears. Yesterday we canned 3 types of pears, gingered, spicy chutney with cranberries and currents, and pears in extra light sauce... yum! I also made New Brunswick oatmeal molasses brown bread in a bread machine and Oh was it good... we had it like I used to as kids with Molasses beans and fried new potatoes... it was heaven. Today more of the same, and adding Zinfandel pears and pickled beets. I love fall!
As I said in my last post my dear friend Gianni died on Wednesday, his funeral will be in Saint John on Monday. I will miss his laughter, and his positive sense of humor. I will miss his friendship. I think what makes it hard to loose someone close is partially the loss of their love. For over 35 years, Gianni loved me, and as we grew older that love became deeper, of that I am sure, and I will miss having that love confirmed in this earthly realm. I know that he has gone home. I know that he has his legs back. I know that he is pain free and for that I am grateful. But, I also know that I will miss him until I am with him again. But with each loss, I think about other losses and as I cooked and canned I imagined my Mom kneading brown bread in our kitchen and the smell of newly risen loaves. And I imagine my Dad peeling the hot skins off boiled potatoes for us kids and the eager faces awaiting the hot steamy goodness with a dollop of butter dangling from our forks. And my darling Mary, who is in my thoughts constantly, her crookedy smile awaiting whatever I was dishing up. They live in my heart and my mind, and are as close as my thoughts. So there I will store Gianni and my memories of our childhood and the stories of growing together.
School starts on Monday and I am really excited. I have everything ready and, of course, organized and labeled. I will post again to let you know how my first day was. And Oh yeah, yesterday I drove around Toronto for the first time and I did alright!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Canada's broadcasters will not allow Green Leader Elizabeth May to participate in the leaders debates during the federal election campaign, the networks announced Monday afternoon.
'The notion that I would go into debates as someone to cheer on one other party leader is absurd.'— Green Leader Elizabeth May
The consortium of networks, which includes the CBC, said three of Canada's parties were opposed to May's inclusion, but did not give more details.
In recent days, the Conservatives, Bloc Québécois and the NDP have all expressed their opposition to May joining the debates.
"It became clear that if the Green party were included, there would be no leaders' debate," the consortium said in a press release.
"In the interest of Canadians, the consortium has determined that it is better to broadcast the debates with the four major party leaders, rather than not at all." from CBC.
I am dazed and confused, do we live in a democratic Canada or a communist regime? They will boycott if Elizabeth joins in the debate.... WTF.... talk about not playing nice in the sand box! Please write the CBC, or CTV, or Global and tell them what you think! And PLEASE vote GREEN!
Each day brings me a new series of thoughts and things to be grateful for... at this moment I am grateful for you, the sun, warm Organic Gluten free multi-grain bread from Molly B's kitchen... hot fair trade coffee... yummy!
At the Junction Art show we enjoyed amazing organic beer and were treated to wonderful music and buskers and art... I got my hand painted with henna again and enjoyed a free David Usher concert... he was, as usual, energetic, connected to the audience and in fine vocal form. I saw the most awe inspiring pink Jesus in an art store, it was loud and huge and the carved face had a level of depth that I have not seen in a carving in a long time... I had to touch it and Julie caught that shot.. I was enthralled.
Today Julie and I are off to the Toronto Islands for an adventure in the sun... this is my last week off before my classes start.. I plan to make the most of it each day with new and exciting adventures... I am especially happy to be breaking my fast on Thursday night with my dear friend Asma and to participate in Ramadan prayers with her family on Friday. I live to learn!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
How you see the world creates the world you see.
How you fill yourself, and with what, adds to your world view and ultimately your self-image.
I am off to a Vegetarian Fair, like a home show for eggplants, and then to hear David Usher at the Junction Arts Festival, weather permitting!! Buckle down and take care.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Doreen's husband was there with her, so that free'd us to go out to supper together and back I went to the Elephant and Castle, cold beer on tap with many to choose from and the best roast beef and yorkshire pudding this side of my kitchen, you may remember me talking about it before, but this time I got a Club House sandwich, which was also good and a cold Stella! hummmmm Stella!
I am finding my way via the subway and buses and am enjoying each day and the adventure it brings.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I remember as a young woman thinking that children with half their teeth missing and coming in as hideous and in need of dental care. That was until my children began to loose their teeth and I understood that transition. It became a thing of beauty to me and now when I see a child with missing teeth and tooth nubs I think, "Oh how wonderful" and look upon them longingly.
For me understanding seems to be the key to seeing beauty... and if that works for me then it makes sense that it could be that way for others. The question then becomes, why are so many closed to understanding?
My friend Michael has this quote from my favorite childhood author of "Charlotte's Web" as his status on facebook.... "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." E.B. White Yesterday I savored and enjoyed a beautiful art show, pushed aside any thoughts of poverty and pain, a world that needs healing, allowed myself the splendid moment and the day slid across my tongue like the cold coconut gelato I enjoyed the sun. I experienced the art with all of my senses and it was glorious. And I am left with the question how do I balance the two and yet be consumed by neither?
Another day, another day to learn and understand.