the world we live in and other mind blowing things

I feel torn between worlds. I have always subscribed to the belief that the world inside of me does not have to reflect the world outside, and I work really hard to create an inner world of peace and love and joy.... but lately the world outside is changing something within.

Confused yet, welcome!

Everywhere I look there is a propaganda machine saying that we should hate anyone or anything that is different from us; who subscribe to a different belief system, who walk to the beat of a different drum, who look different than it's ideal, who are just not us... well it is not actually said but insidiously implied by the sound of dropping bombs on our collective enemy, who in my life time has changed multiple times, "Ah, lets turn to page 2 to see who the enemy flavour of the week is." And how do you know who is NOT us, is it the color of their skin, their religion... how am I supposed to know? Oh wait my TV will tell me, the newspaper will tell me... the machine will tell me and then keep me safe from harm as long as I keep consuming in the name of peace. I feel like I am trapped in an underground war bonds drive and no one is calling it what it is. And before I know it we have National buy in. How did this happen? Was I asleep? And now that I know, what can I do about it?

Bombing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity!

From white sand beaches to beers from around the world

Imagine a mile of white sand beach occasionally marbled with iron rich black sand, warm summer breezes, dark star-filled nights lite only by candle or fire, scrumptious food, ice cold beer and an ever changing group of amazing women friends laughing, playing word games and telling stories; and you have a glimpse into my amazing week at Debbie Eden's summer camp on Christian Island, Georgian Bay, Ontario. I had the time of my life, lying around on the warm sand, swimming in the unbelievably clear water, walking and hiking, playing bingo in the village, and all the while laughing and relaxing. This is the place the soul comes to sooth itself. There is something spectacular about line dried clothes that had been washed in the water of the lake without soap, only the motion of the waves and the white sand. They were amazingly clean. I met wonderful people, some who live there and some who also have camps and their friends. They all have one thing in common, a love of the pristine beauty of this place and a commitment to preserving it. Glorious!

And yes, I got sunburned... but it was so worth it!

Today Julie and I explored a great organic market. We shopped and ate, sampled all manner of live food dishes, melt in your mouth whole grain bread and settled on a Jamaican Roti and ice cold ginger beer for our lunch. A definite plus was the access to all manner of wholesome foods and knowledgeable people to talk to about food. I also got 4 small bags of unique sprouts to grace my sandwiches, even purple cabage ones. When leaving the market we got a coffee that was uniquely flavoured with mushrooms.... yeah me too!

After the market we stopped at the LCBO and I found the store that has everything for the beer drinker. What first caught my eye was a bottle of Polish beer that, in Ouispamsis, I could only get at the Hammond River Cafe. And there before my eyes was Beer from all over the world and oh was I tempted. We are, at this moment, sipping a cold delicious Mythos from Greece and talking about its flavour and color, it's piquant aftertaste and carbonation. Now to drink a Fiddler's Elbow from the UK.

Could turn out to be a good night.... Cheers!

dedicated to Lola, goddess of the silver screen

It was a whirlwind of partying, packing and good byes.... Julie and I finally got on the road Monday afternoon... only to realize that the radio was not working... Emma had loaded my new Ipod with awesome driving tunes, and to not have tunes for days.. well that would just not do... so off to Bob Pearson Auto in Saint John and an hour later we were really on the road... also Emma loaned me her transmitter so that my Ipod can run through the car radio... it worked.. and we drove and sang and laughed... wonderful!

We stopped when we wanted to, relaxed and floated forward all under the watchful eye of Lola, Julie's new GPS.... Having her guide us made everything so much easier... and we were convinced when trying to find Gianni in downtown Montreal.... Lola guided us right to his door and right back to the highway... Lola even made the 401 feel more navigable at rush hour... We saw awesome stuff along the way.. rows of windmills, and full fields ready for harvest and lush country side and the occasional raptor of the sky... The Saint John River was swollen at the banks from the heavy rains, it's blue was deep and dark and mysterious, making the verdant fields all that much more lush looking.... I really do love New Brunswick!

In Montreal I went to see my darling friend Gianni and had a wonderful visit with him... I made a picture of he and I my profile picture... it never ceases to amaze me how, even after 5 years of not seeing one another that old familiar comfort was present and we acted like I was with him yesterday... that is what a great friendship is like.... then on to Ottawa and a great dinner and drinks with my dear friend Karl... no matter what he can make me laugh, not a chuckle, but a hearty deep belly laugh and near pee my pants hysterics.... we toured Ottawa the next day.. I took Mary to the parliament buildings (for those who do not know, I travel with Mary's small urn and we call the photos, "the traveling urn tales") and watched the changing of the guard... lots and lots of tourists... then on to Toronto.. but before we got here we spent 2 hours with Julie's Aunt Mildred... a fabulous lady with wonderful stories... be brought fresh roadside blueberry pie and coffee... an excellent visit.

I have unpacked, and not forgotten too much that I wanted to have with me for the year... and I am settling in quite nicely and just finished a tasty lunch of fresh corn on the cob, small new red potatoes and just off the vine ripe tomatoes... delicious! Off to have my tea!

Events leading up to leaving

It is bittersweet, this leaving... goodbyes weigh heavy on my heart because there feels like there is so much unfinished business.... and most of it has really nothing to do with me.. but my role in the lives of others... leaving a gap in theirs leaves a gap in mine... I am really looking forward to Saturday night's party, the band is the Telecasters, the DJ my darling Cody... it should be a blast!

Julie is in Edmundston, NB, hiking today and coming here tomorrow.. I am excited to get on the road and start my journey... and as I think about it.. why I am excited to begin, when it has already begun.

Opening... a new chapter begins.

We all have a before... and only we can decide that pivital moment it all changed.. some more dramatic than others. We use before as a measure of time passing, or as a means to put things behind us... I was skinny before, I was happier before, I was loved before, I was young before, I was blond before... I was whole before... Before, a word that keeps us trapped in the past, not moving forward, not healing... this is a place of healing, of sharing ideas, of moving beyond pain into healing. Welcome to my self-journey.