Monday, December 29, 2008

Organizational Theme

I think that my theme for the coming year is organization... everything is pointing me in that direction... what I think, what I feel and what I am given. My favorite Christmas presents this year are plastic containers to organize my rocks and a beautiful bag to house my aromatherapy gear, complete with plastic bags that Velcro to the sides of it to hold oils and a beautiful purple and green box to house all of my essential oils, safely, uncontaminated and easily transportable... and a small penguin change purse to hold my bus tokens.. I am going places and getting organized! (I also got some other sweet stuff like a food dehydrator, toys and new jammies for resting in after I am organized.. hehe)

All this thinking about organization made me think of the most organized woman I have ever met, my, "Everything has a place, everything in it's place", Mother. I remember my Mother saying exactly, "Alright, lets get organized!" before embarking upon any chore. Big or small, it did not matter, she said it. For every job she had a method and system that worked for her. She chipped away at each task methodically and with purpose. I cherish the pieces she shared with me because each gem is totally transferable to my life.. like "clean the bathroom first, it is the smallest room in the house and you fee like you have accomplished something... one room complete". And, "If the kitchen is clean, then the whole house feels clean". She also taught me that some things are necessary evils and the task you like the least you should do first. For each person that evil is different.. mine is dishes.. but when I look at them as a necessary evil the task is less daunting and I am happy to have clean dishes because I love to cook and eat. This logic, applied to my life became, "Change the way you see something and it becomes less stressful and difficult".

My Mother's system was her own, and from the outside it seemed unfathomable. But then, that is the beauty of Mother's. We do not always understand what they mean on the surface, especially when they teach by modeling or through metaphor. Then one day a task presents itself that we do not know how to handle and there is our Mother alive and well in our subconscious saying, "lets get organized" and it all falls into place. I think she was teaching me about controlling what I can and not worrying about what I can not. And that the only thing I can truly change is how I approach a situation. The only real control I have is over me in this moment.

From the outside her system did not always make sense to me, but it didn't have to, it only had to work for her. After all, it was her system. Just like, what became my system did not always make sense to her. She did, however, have the good sense to continue to teach by doing and not by outwardly judging. Even though it sometimes felt like it, I have realized that that part was how I felt about my system not being good enough, not about her or her imposing her will on me.

And for each of us, part of the organizing is finding what works and what doesn't. And that is life, sorting and discarding that which doesn't work anymore and finding new solutions. In this right now, its a black and white case and plastic and wood containers to transport my new career from place to place.

And here I am, 2 years after she died, Mama continues to teach me about how to organize my life. That, my friends, is the mark of a great Mother. My ardent wish is that I can be that kind of Mother to my children. I best get organized!

Mary Robina Robinson Donovan (January 31,1924 to January 4,2007)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Joyous Festivus!!

What a year... after 48 of them, most looking similar, I am convinced that I am not to lead an ordinary life... and I have come to see how joyful that can be.... so many wonderful things have happened this year to be grateful for.. my moving to Toronto to attend school and the support I have received around that from family and friends, and Government.. Thank you.... Zechariah finding his profession in plumbing and a great company in Mark Campbell's plumbing... Thank you.... Emma and her job at the Hammond River Market, which she loves... Thank you... Hanna's successful last year at KVHS... Thank you... and Dale's moving into my house to look after things while I am away at school... Thank you... Of course I miss Mary as much as ever and today I began to think about her joyful face and her playing Santa on Christmas mornings... She loved to make people smile.... my Mom and Dad, who I love dearly... remembering all the funny things about them and the holidays and oh how it warms my heart.. looking back at my childhood and the quirks and quarks of my brothers and sisters, all of whom I have the deepest appreciation for and admiration of.. even with all the trials and tribulations, I feel blessed to have each of you in my life.. there is not a day that goes by that I do not give thanks for who I am and who I have become... thank you for your part in supporting the me I am today.

I wish each of you a year filled with Peace and Harmony and Joy!
Love and Hugs

Saturday, December 13, 2008


It may look like a roller coaster from the outside but the inside of me is peaceful and calm and happy. I woke this morning thinking about choices and that it is our choice what we feel when we feel it... it was way more poetic in my dream, of course, but you get the gist. What I have learned to do with thoughts that upset me or are negative.... I hear them out, tell them they do not serve my higher good and send them off... some stay gone and some are a little more persistent, however, most leave and over time it beings to get lighter int here... roomy almost... most days I walk around joyfully experiencing with out thought or judgment.. happily floating in the moment... it really is wonderful... then there are times where I choose to sort stuff out and replay memories or plan for the future, but not while I am otherwise engaged. It works for me and I can not believe how joyful I feel most days.

Then I got out of bed and was singing... Bob Marley "Is this Love that I am feeling"... it is not for any particular thing or person but for everything and this glorious connection to the Universe that I feel surrounds me with love and support and light. I am so very grateful for this internal journey I am on. I feel settled, peaceful and loved... awesome!

The Christmas season has begun. I went to a great party Thursday night with a classmate and then to a drag bar... what a hoot... I love to dance... and today we are having a cookie bake and exchange... Oh what fun it is to ride! I am sure there are a billion other things to say, but for now I have to go and get my self ready for shortbread cookies:-)