Sunday, June 24, 2012

what happens in the end

it began at the navel the spot i sprung from, has become the place i end a tight purple spiral of light unravels slowly picks up speed and everything is one all that was, is and ever will be, connects ascend i is no longer, the transition is complete returned to the We the dichotomy begins We are music and joy they are grief peace knows the We while an i

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

5 years......

Donovan, Mary (May 28, 1991 – November 30, 2006)

When we think of you now, our hearts tell two stories. One is of missing and longing, the other is admiration for the courage you showed and lessons you shared, both tell a story of you.
5 years without you. 5 years of missing the sound of your sweet voice and the loving way you made those around you feel special. 5 years tells our grief story. Great Mystery is revealing yours. You really are loved and missed every minute of everyday.

Love Mom, Zech, Emma and Hanna

Monday, November 7, 2011

fear another other dirty words....

Here I am again... not sure of what to say.. what do do... or how to do it... Zoe's death day is the 10th... it has been 5 years... and that is the marker for my great fear... the loss of a child... it is like darling sweet Zoe softens that blow... and I am grateful to her for that... very grateful!

Monday, January 24, 2011


Just before Christmas my God Mother died... Germaine... I loved her so much... I had spent 20 or so hours making a scrapbook for her the week end before... the day I found out was the day I was going to give it to her... her family said that it was a grand tribute that I will always have to remember her by... they said she would have loved it... I look at it often and they are right... I do love it!

But Germaine's death left a sour taste in my mouth for the whole festive that I tired to shake off with everything from wine to laughter... but it was all fake, looking from the outside you would not have known... and the Oscar goes too... really!

And today I am getting ready to go to another wake.. this time for a neighbour, Phil Percy, who was my son's best friend's dad... only 52, taken by cancer... and it reminds me of how fleeting life is... how soon it can end.... and how important it is to live each day to the fullest, leave no stone unturned and say what you mean and mean what you say... Say what you mean and mean what you say.

I taught Level 1 Reiki this past week end and it was amazing... I am thankful each and every day for the ability to share my learning with others... I am grateful... I am gratitude... and darling Leanne gifted me the most amazing painting of chakra's that I have ever seen... it is filled with movement and message.... I love it.

And I know that Germaine and Phil are in that place where someday I will be ready to return.. that they are singing with the angels and that makes this and everyday OK.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Mary Donovan, May 28th 1991- November 30th, 2006

I have been reluctant to start this year, not wanting to think of the awfulness, not wanting to dredge up the pain and not wanting to experience it all over again. And then I realized it is with me everyday, it hasn’t gone anywhere, it is there, deep within and I hide it, hide from it. Only wanting you back, and wanting to see you grow and mature. Missing that. Missing the sound of your voice and the smell of your hair, when I kiss the top of your head. Missing your hugs and your laughter. Wondering what you would look like after all this time. How your voice would sound and what words you would choose to use. Would your laugh still be the same as we remember it? Missing that… missing…. 4 years of missing and while we breathe in and out and life goes on, the awfulness is still there. I guess it always will be. We do not show it the same way, but it has not changed, it has not left us. But in our hearts, neither have you Marmy Cake. Forever and always Mom, Zech, Emma and Hanna

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Death is Nothing at all!

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Sunday, June 27, 2010

wow... June already....

It is like I have all of these thoughts and wondering's, but not enough time to think them through, be articulate or even focus enough to make sense of them.... I think that is the last few months theme... the event was miraculous and I was able to offer a 2500.00 scholarship... with enough to spare to start a proper fund.... Zech was in a ATV accident and is now laid off because he can not work... Emma is excitedly preparing for her cross country journey and Hanna has found a great apt in the city and is doing well... and me, well I am overwhelmed, unfocused and a bit lost.. and not sure how to find it again!