I am struggling to accept my humanness and would rather be spirit.. that is not to say I would rather be dead... leaving those I love behind would be too painful.. but the draw of divine with one of my children on the other side is very desirable... I think I am supposed to learn balance in this too... how to be both fully human and fully spirit... equally... not being consumed by either at the expense of the other.
Balance has been a major theme in my life. It is always balance I learn.. not to be consumed by any one thing and when I do the Universe pulls me back, sometimes aggressively, to teach me about balance... in the deepest pain and the darkest hour I learn... When my heart is broken and my anger is great I learn compassion and love... sometimes in giving and sometimes in receiving... when Mary died, for example, at the darkest part of my grief I was overcome by love... love poured out at me from even the most unexpected places, and I relished it... I reveled in it and my heart mended... I was once again a work of Joy... when I thought my whole world would come crashing down because I could no longer cope in my work that I loved... and I could not take it any more.. a door way opened and I learned... and I continue to learn.
And now I struggle to accept my humanness when we human's are raping the earth, killing one another for oil and power and when money and ownership is the measure of a person's worth... I struggle to understand slavery... Oh, we do not pick them up in boats anymore or trick them with our wampum.. well not as openly and conspicuously... we enslave with labels and consumerism.. we are all slaves to corporate greed.. selling us those things we just can not live without.. creating a false self-esteem in ownership... if you act now, you too can be the proud owner of this 2009... bla bla bla... marketing selling us an illusion of happiness... and I struggle to find that balance between my spirit of love and light and the earthly body of greed and gluttony... I struggle to make sense of it all... I struggle, but I am winning and I can taste the balance.. it is near at hand... and I am grateful.
PS- Universe/Love/Divine/Goddess/God/Creator/Self... I want to learn... I am open to learning... I just need a little gentle learning now :-)