Sometimes, just sometimes, no matter how patient I am, or how hard I try, things do not always work out as I hoped or wanted or thought I needed them too. Things do, however, work out as they should and in the end I realize that it was nothing but emptiness wanting to be filled (an illusion) and a longing to fit and be welcome in something that is not meant for me.... sometimes there is just not enough patience and no matter how hard I try to change me to let things be as they are, I get hurt in the process.... I am not sure you can have intimate relationships without expectations of some sort and it it exactly those expectations that lead to being disappointed when what you expected does not happen... even worse, when the expectations turn negative and we get exactly as we expect... that is the time to call it a day.... to name the end.... to own the dysfunction... to let go of both negative and positive expectations and free yourself from the relationships that are not working... because if only one person is working on a relationship then it is doomed.... why wait for anger.. why wait until you are crushed... why wait when you know.... why wait!
So as I sit an ponder how we, as women, are socialized to take care of others I see that I have, on occasion, distorted that and that makes me unhappy.... so my pledge to me on this day of celebration of all things feminine is to release myself of that need in my relationships and in the words of the great author Toni Morrison.... "Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another." And, on this auspicious day, my wish for each women is that she too finds her freedom from all the shit that weighs her down so that she can soar!
Written by a Woman ready to claim her freedom!
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