Friday, January 15, 2010

Another loss somewhere....

I feel everything that happens in the world, almost like an oppressive weight sometimes... then I withdraw... and do not listen any more.... then I am OK again... when I become aware of the weight I am OK again... when something like Haiti happens in the world I feel like dark energy is sitting on my chest, blocking my heart chakra.. So, I Reiki me and I send distant Reiki to it... and that helps... I do not try to make sense of any thing anymore... because this kind of thing does not make sense... Dawson... WTF.. I mean, how do you make sense of that.. my Cody... years battling then dies... why, why, why... it makes no sense... my darling kind, beautiful joyful Mary.. why... why take her from me, and the earth... why... so I do not try to unravel it any more... that makes me crazy... Now I am of the mind.. everything is what it is... and maybe, just maybe, it is not mine to understand... I am not to know why.... I am sure some one is learning something somewhere.... so I just let it be and I worry about what I can control ME... I know that might sound rather simple and escapist but I am but one person, and the weight of the world is not mine to carry, it is God/Goddess/Universe's.... not mine! And in that I am free to love and send light and healing... for David's mom my heart aches, for Dawson's parents my heart bleeds... for each child who suffers and dies my heart breaks... but realizing that I can do nothing, and should do nothing except send light and listen and console frees me to be good at those things... do do those things that when I needed it, really mattered... does that make sense?

1 comment:

SudsMuffin said...

Loss is so difficult to deal with because it's such an absolute. Forever. Infinite. Eternal. And I think we have difficulty wrapping our head around that. All I can do is offer my support. I've been there too though not to the same depths as you. (((hugs)))
**Mrs SudsMuffin**