What a joyful March Break I have had. It started with my dear friend Asma and a few days with she and Aisha... what fun... and her friends are so awesome... we had a spa night and they let me do Reiki on them.. hummm case studies:-) Then it was off to my friend Doreen's and a grand visit with she and her family. Doreen's 5 year old son Ben is still recovering from his Bone Marrow Transplant.. he too had Aplastic Anemia... he is a wonder and a joy.... I will do whatever it takes to hear his laughter.... and oh man does he know it.... our new song is Peppermint Twist... hehe especially the round and around and around part.. hehe
After Doreen's I went to my niece Angela's for 2 nights and her darling girls are a joy... bundles of energy and love... Annelise, age 6, made me a sign to take home.. "Dear Patty, you are adorkable... Love Annelise"... hehe I have to get it framed.. there is no other choice.. it is that cute!! Back to Doreen's for more days of fun and cooking and tye dying and scrapbooking... Thanks to each of them, and their friends and cats and dogs and kids, I completed all of my Reiki case studies... I arrived home this afternoon exhausted, and happy.. friends make life so much sweeter, another thing I am grateful for!!
Back to school tomorrow!!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Wow X 2= holy camoly!
What a whirlwind of emotions this past week has held. Having the capacity to contact Mary's donor has been a gift. Sharing our stories has had a tremendous healing effect on my heart. Reliving some of Mary's quirks and uniqueness has been so joyful. Grief is a task master, to say the least. I am filled with a deep level of gratitude for his sacrifice and his role in helping to save Mary's life. But Creator had other plans for my darling girl, my spirit child who soars with the Universe. What a blessing!
On another note I got my 1st Reiki attunement this week and my healing hands are hot and tingly and ready to go to work. Reiki is what I used to help me begin to heal my heart after Mary died and is the energy treatment I will use most in my new practice. It is a glorious thing when Creator's LOVE flows through you into another person. I am both humbled and ecstatic at the prospect of having a tool for peace in my own 2 hands.
Each day is a new adventure and my arms are thrown back in anticipation. My heart is soaring and my mind is clear and with direction. I am grateful!
On another note I got my 1st Reiki attunement this week and my healing hands are hot and tingly and ready to go to work. Reiki is what I used to help me begin to heal my heart after Mary died and is the energy treatment I will use most in my new practice. It is a glorious thing when Creator's LOVE flows through you into another person. I am both humbled and ecstatic at the prospect of having a tool for peace in my own 2 hands.
Each day is a new adventure and my arms are thrown back in anticipation. My heart is soaring and my mind is clear and with direction. I am grateful!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Donor!!
After 2 years of waiting I have been given the contact info for Mary's bone marrow donor... I really wanted to thank him for his amazing gift... and I got to do that:-)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
22 years...
Some days I measure time with how long it has been. Not in regret, but with memories of side-splitting laughter, amazing meals and building. Sure there were stressors, hurt feelings and sometimes unfulfilled dreams. Welcome to life. But that is the beauty of memories, I get to choose which ones I hold on to and replay. Today I imagine my Dad in his work shop hammering and sawing and creating. And that nail that went wrong and the cussing that came out of him in a very humorous way. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, he was so happy while creating. I think that was the thing that gave him the most pleasure, besides his grand kids. Taking a piece of wood and fashioning a table or deacon's bench, a shelf, or chair. There is something magical about wood that roots you in the earth and I think Daddy knew that.
Today is the 22nd anniversary of my father's death. I miss him and I am sad that my kids never got to know him. Zech was born the next year, at the end of this month he will be 21.
Today is the 22nd anniversary of my father's death. I miss him and I am sad that my kids never got to know him. Zech was born the next year, at the end of this month he will be 21.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
accepting what is...
It doesn't matter how many times I write it, nor does it matter how many times I am challenged to live by the belief, but sometimes I just do not want to accept what "is" and let go of what I want. In this specific situation, it is about the life of someone I love and his current journey. My darling friend Cody, who I got to know at clinic, he and Mary had the same clinic days, is once again going for brain surgery as his last (and they said final) round of Chemo has not abated the aggressive fucking cancer that currently eats at his brain. So on one level I know that I must accept his journey and how it unfolds for him, take the lessons he teaches me about courage and love and openness as a gift from him and let his journey unfold as it should. Support him as best I can and deal with the outcomes. Then there is the hurt Mommy-ME not wanting that for his Mom and Dad, or for me and mine who have grown to love him like he was ours. And the irony is that no matter what I want, or do, this story will unfold as it is meant too. My role in this story is a small one, a supporting cast member. I see myself on the stage, ready to yell out a line from another play... a line that does not belong on this stage... and I can't, my throat is closed and I continue to play the rehearsed role... I accept what is and wait... and wait for outcomes.
Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
to the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
and the irony is that the only thing that is real is this moment and at this moment it means everything!
Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
to the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
and the irony is that the only thing that is real is this moment and at this moment it means everything!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
25 things about me...
1.I have had my heart broken but I learned valuable lessons from it. Not to be consumed by either love or hate, to find a balance. This was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn. And, in return, the hardest words were thanks to the men who taught me those lessons.
2.The hardest lesson I have learned, however, is that every living thing has a journey, and what I want does not have anything to do with their journey. We each come to life with an agenda and when we have learned, or taught, or both, to fulfill that agenda, then we leave this life. It is the hardest lesson when the teacher is your child. In this light, the hardest words I have ever spoken were; I love you so much, I will miss you forever, good bye my darling girl. But when I finally spoke them, I was free. Talk about dichotomy!
3.I am single and am very happy being that way. Not that I do not ever want intimacy again, for this right now my focus is spiritual growth and learning.
4.My 1st main goal in life is to be a good person.
5.My 2nd main goal in life is to be an outstanding Mom and to have my children love me in return.
6.My 3rd main goal is to continuously grow and learn about my connection to all living things, about Universal Energy and how to be a conduit for it’s LOVE!
7.I have many people who love me, and I them, and I am grateful daily for that.
8.I love to hug, can’t get enough of it. Actually I will hug almost anything!
9.I love strong, black coffee, cool clear water and beer.
10.I am in school studying Holistic Healing and I will, upon my return home, open my own practice and begin to use what I have learned to support people in their own healing. Aromatherapy massage, with a little chakra balancing, anyone!
11.I am currently living in Toronto with my friend Julie and I am very grateful that she has allowed me to intrude on her life for a year to go to school.
12.I love animals of all shapes and sizes, and believe that they hold valuable lessons for each of us.
13.I love rocks; quartz, amethyst, rose quartz, mangano calcite, angelite, snowflake obsidian, hematite, malachite…. and so on, and so on, and so on…. I have over 125 different kinds of rocks, sorted labeled and loved. I believe crystals, if used properly can be an amazing conduit of universal healing energy. Rock’s come from my other love, Mother Earth, whose generous bounty never fails to take my breath away.
14.I love food. This is not a like situation, it is love. I also love to cook, and am pretty good at it. My favorite meal would be the one I am currently eating, especially if it is cooked with love. OK the potato, it rocks!!!
15.I sometimes struggle with low self-esteem, but hide it well.
16.I am a public speaker who near faints from nerves before I speak.
17.On the surface I am an outgoing social person, but the real me is introspective and a bit of a loner. I really enjoy being alone with my thoughts. I am a geek.
18.I love to write out my thoughts and currently have 2 blogs on the go. One is about my healing journey, hence the name, and the other, is about parental grief and loss. If interested you can find them at ….
http://pattyshealingjourney.blogspot.com/
http://www.themaryfund.com/
19.I come from an amazingly supportive, kind and generous family whose love means everything to me.
20.I am on the right path to being the person I want to become. The hugest challenge to overcome on that road has been me. Sometimes I can not get out of my own way.
21.I am not real complicated. I am straight forward and accept people where they are at and expect the same from them.
22.I believe that as an individual I am powerless, but when I open myself to universal energy, and act from a place of right action in the now, I am incontrovertible. And so are you.
23.I love New Brunswick, the province and the people. Actually I love Canada, the people and the country. My real issue is Government. I am sure that does not come as any surprise.
24.I really do not know what people see in me, and this is not a plea for positive strokes. I usually feel unworthy or the affection of others and am surprised that so much love comes my way. Maybe it is that I want to be a mirror for love, or a conduit for universal love. If I have succeeded then I now know why.
25.This exercise has been harder than I though, but then again, I always go to the deep stuff. I struggle with the surface, because that is where all my self-loathing lies.
26.If I do not post this right now I will edit it forever, I struggle to let go of my words, sometime sit feels like the birthing process.
2.The hardest lesson I have learned, however, is that every living thing has a journey, and what I want does not have anything to do with their journey. We each come to life with an agenda and when we have learned, or taught, or both, to fulfill that agenda, then we leave this life. It is the hardest lesson when the teacher is your child. In this light, the hardest words I have ever spoken were; I love you so much, I will miss you forever, good bye my darling girl. But when I finally spoke them, I was free. Talk about dichotomy!
3.I am single and am very happy being that way. Not that I do not ever want intimacy again, for this right now my focus is spiritual growth and learning.
4.My 1st main goal in life is to be a good person.
5.My 2nd main goal in life is to be an outstanding Mom and to have my children love me in return.
6.My 3rd main goal is to continuously grow and learn about my connection to all living things, about Universal Energy and how to be a conduit for it’s LOVE!
7.I have many people who love me, and I them, and I am grateful daily for that.
8.I love to hug, can’t get enough of it. Actually I will hug almost anything!
9.I love strong, black coffee, cool clear water and beer.
10.I am in school studying Holistic Healing and I will, upon my return home, open my own practice and begin to use what I have learned to support people in their own healing. Aromatherapy massage, with a little chakra balancing, anyone!
11.I am currently living in Toronto with my friend Julie and I am very grateful that she has allowed me to intrude on her life for a year to go to school.
12.I love animals of all shapes and sizes, and believe that they hold valuable lessons for each of us.
13.I love rocks; quartz, amethyst, rose quartz, mangano calcite, angelite, snowflake obsidian, hematite, malachite…. and so on, and so on, and so on…. I have over 125 different kinds of rocks, sorted labeled and loved. I believe crystals, if used properly can be an amazing conduit of universal healing energy. Rock’s come from my other love, Mother Earth, whose generous bounty never fails to take my breath away.
14.I love food. This is not a like situation, it is love. I also love to cook, and am pretty good at it. My favorite meal would be the one I am currently eating, especially if it is cooked with love. OK the potato, it rocks!!!
15.I sometimes struggle with low self-esteem, but hide it well.
16.I am a public speaker who near faints from nerves before I speak.
17.On the surface I am an outgoing social person, but the real me is introspective and a bit of a loner. I really enjoy being alone with my thoughts. I am a geek.
18.I love to write out my thoughts and currently have 2 blogs on the go. One is about my healing journey, hence the name, and the other, is about parental grief and loss. If interested you can find them at ….
http://pattyshealingjourney.blogspot.com/
http://www.themaryfund.com/
19.I come from an amazingly supportive, kind and generous family whose love means everything to me.
20.I am on the right path to being the person I want to become. The hugest challenge to overcome on that road has been me. Sometimes I can not get out of my own way.
21.I am not real complicated. I am straight forward and accept people where they are at and expect the same from them.
22.I believe that as an individual I am powerless, but when I open myself to universal energy, and act from a place of right action in the now, I am incontrovertible. And so are you.
23.I love New Brunswick, the province and the people. Actually I love Canada, the people and the country. My real issue is Government. I am sure that does not come as any surprise.
24.I really do not know what people see in me, and this is not a plea for positive strokes. I usually feel unworthy or the affection of others and am surprised that so much love comes my way. Maybe it is that I want to be a mirror for love, or a conduit for universal love. If I have succeeded then I now know why.
25.This exercise has been harder than I though, but then again, I always go to the deep stuff. I struggle with the surface, because that is where all my self-loathing lies.
26.If I do not post this right now I will edit it forever, I struggle to let go of my words, sometime sit feels like the birthing process.
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