Eulogies and Graduations...

Not only did Hanna look beautiful, but was amazing this week end.. actually all the kids were... with style and caring they bounced from wake to Prom to Funeral to Graduation.. I am so very proud... tonight the Courtyard Party.. time to let some of this GO!!

Eulogy....

Cody came into our lives very unexpectedly and at a time when we needed him most. That seemed to be his way with all things. He just showed up when WE needed him and knew what to say or what to do to help US feel better. That was one of his many gifts, unselfishness. He expected very little for himself and no matter how much pain he had he rarely ever complained.

He had a quiet and gentle way of listening and watching what was going on around each of us and then he would come up with a powerful solution to whatever problem we had. And he was not afraid of the BIG problems either. With mature words he guided and soothed our broken hearts. He carried a heavy burden for many of us and there are some who are alive today because of his friendship.

Then there was that LOUD side to Cody. That side that would not back down in a fight and stood by your side regardless of expected outcomes. He did not think of his safety or run and hide, he just acted in what he knew was in the best interest of the person he was defending. And this gift is a rare one indeed and served him well as he waged his own war against cancer, that gift is a fighter’s spirit and courage beyond human expectations.

I once told him that he was my Jesus and he did not blink an eye, he knew what I meant and took it as the compliment it was. That I was acknowledging his ability to be A self-sacrificing compassionate teacher filled with unparalleled Love and kindness. Traits that we all struggle to possess, he had in abundance. He knew that what I saw in him was wisdom far beyond his years and I was honored to sit at his feet to learn from him.

As I sat by Cody’s hospital bed, I watched a steady stream of people of all ages come to support him. It was there I realized that I was not the only person he taught, saved, and loved. This fact was further confirmed when I joined 3 Memorial Facebook groups with over 1000 members and began to read the many entries commending his virtues…. I found myself specifically drawn to the.. “What do you Like about Cody Armstrong”… section of one page… and here is a sample of what I read…

“What do I like about Cody...Well where do I start!! OMG I would have to say everything...there's like nothing not to like about him!!! I love how no matter what happens he still smiles and stays positive...I also love that no matter what his friends go through. He is always there for them...THANKS Cody!!!”

“He’s an awesome person... He’s fun, cool, caring... He keeps his head up when times get hard and he fights his way through, He’s a very strong person. He NEVER gives up.”

“One of the things I like best about Cody is that he has a really big heart and is kind to everyone. He is strong and nothing can stop him when he wants something he goes for it and wont stop until he gets it ♥”

“Cody you are like a brother 2 me and one of the strongest people I have ever met and ever will, I love you man.”

“Cody is one of the strongest people I know!! He is my hero...His strength is to be admired. His courage is beyond most!!
I also admire his loving heart, his determination. Cody is loved from coast to coast!! Cody your spirit, your strength creates hope for us all.”

Out of all of these remarkable comments, the most often used words were compassionate, loving, a true friend, a hero, courageous, strong, fearless, positive, supportive, and generous. Our friend was all of those things, and more. We all have many great memories of Cody and my hope is that we will all keep on sharing them and celebrating him. I believe that through sharing our stories of Cody we will continue to learn and grow from his example and continue his legacy of LOVE.

As I was writing this an old saying came to mind…

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.”

That is how our darling boy lived his life. In service to others and that is qualified by the amount of people who are here today to wish him God Speed and to share in mourning with those he held dear. He always did get a crowd… and like he always said, “When ya got it ya got it!”

Love and Hugs Patty

home and back.. home and back... home

this is the forecast of my next few weeks... I flew home on Thursday to the bedside of our darling friend Cody Armstrong... (April 25, 1990 to June 15, 2009)... I was told he had died.. he had not.. and what an emotional roller coaster... yesterday morning at 10:30am Atlantic he did pass... he battled a rare brain cancer for almost 4 years... what an inspiration.. as I sat in his hospital room a steady stream of teens paraded in and told stories of how he saved them, in one way or another... what a glorious testament to his kindness, caring and compassion... Cody was like my child.. I feel a depth of sadness that defies words... I love him and will miss his friendship!

Wednesday I fly home, again, for Hanna's Prom.. a somber event... Mary will not be with us and Cody was to be her date... his older brother, Corey, who Hanna is dating will step in.. he has some big shoes to fill:-) Then back to Toronto, again on Sunday, and then home for good the following week end... good I need some rest!

Birthdays and other milestones!

Today is Hanna and Mary's Birthday.. Hanna is now 18 and marking the days to her Prom... I miss Mary terribly:-( If Mary was alive she would still look the same, Hanna does. I am worried about what will happen when I can no longer imagine her as the age Hanna is.

The theme of this year's courtyard party is Super Hero's.. I want to go as Mary!

My birthday Party was a huge success and Julie and my classmates did it up nice.

I am now a Reiki Master!

School is almost over and I am on information overload.

I am grateful for everything!

I have my tickets to fly home for Hanna's Prom in June.

I am going to the Toronto Symphony Orchestra tonight with Julie.

I am planting a healing garden with my friend Doreen this week end.

I miss home, and you.

Mother's Day!!

For the first time, this does not feel bitter sweet.. instead I feel filled with joy and sunshine and gratitude for having been given the gift of children.. Thank You Universe for that trust:-)

been a long time...

I know I know... it has been awhile.. but in my defense.. school work is challenging and time consuming... I was drunk.. no detoxing.. actually all of the above are plausible, however, the real reason is that I have been swamped with school work and have not really had any thing very interesting to say... I know can you believe it.. hehe

My new loves... color therapy, reflexology and chakra balancing.. and OMG Reiki... hummmm I completed level 2 Reiki and helped to facilitate a Reiki level 1 class with my Master... she calls me her Master in training.. I am doing my Master level on May 23rd... I am very excited about that... I can now do distance healing and it is brilliant and so powerful.. it feels like I am holding the Universe in my hands.. this feat is an amazing gift from the Universe to us little beings... and anyone can learn how... that is the beauty of Reiki... anyone can be attuned... I plan to do lots of that when I come home... I am hoping to attune Mom's and kids and Parents and everyone... Reiki is an amazing healing energy.. well I could go on for hours about it.. I love it that much.. :-)

My time in Toronto is winding down and I am sad because I will miss my friends here who I have grown to love, however, I am excited to be going home and to get back to work and start building my practice and doing workshops on energy and chakras... Hang on to your hats, it is going to be an amazing wild ride!! July 1st!!!

the gut stump...

there is was, larger than life,
smack dab in the middle,
this huge, barely hanging on to life,
dark brown severed stump
with deep roots
that twisted and entwined
organs struggling
slits and cracks
on the not smooth surface
center opening
where I let you attach
siphon draining energy depleting
Yellow filled
reclaimed in Earth
transformed
and released

thinking time...

You may, or may not have noticed but I have been a bit of a slacker of late when it comes to posting... but in my defense it is because School is in full swing, case studies are piling up and I am planning a clinic day at the school. Well, we both know I can handle that pressure easily and in true Patty form, everything is up to date and under control (but it is hard work being this organized). The real reason is that I have been in a contemplative state unable to sort some stuff out... triggers abound and I have taken a bite out of each one of them. Then I fall back on that same old comfortable anger pattern focused on him. Today, however, I feel like I have sorted it as far as I need to too make sense of it, to learn from it and to be able to let go of this pattern. And what I have come up with is this... even with all that I know and all that I do the common denominator in this tragedy is me and while I do believe I think in response to him reaching out, continuing to think about it is me. Soooo to let it go I need to say out loud a variation of what I keep thinking, send it back with Gratitude for the learning and let it go.

So here goes...
"There are 2 huge differences between you and I that make it impossible for us to ever be friends again. The first is that your Engineer life is moving in a different direction than mine, and as I come closer to Spirit and Nature I feel farther away from who we were together. The second, and to my human form, the most important: 2 years, 4 Months and 3 days have gone by and a soul friend would not have let that happen without some kind of recognition of my great loss. I want to believe that you do not know the outcome because the later is so hurtful. I know what I would have done if it was your child who died. I would have sent a card and said, I know you said go but I could not let this tragic event happen without saying my heart is hurting for you and your family. But then again you are not me, you are you and I need to let that go with love."

This exercise has shown me that each time something happens to me that triggers my anger I fall back on the same whipping post he done me wrong topic and that sends negative energy out into the world, and quite possibly to this person who is doing as I asked, staying gone, and that is not what I want. I am not sure why I fall back on anger patterns as I make sense of other anger triggers, but I do it and I wanted to put this out into the Universe to let go and make amends for any negative energy I have unconsciously sent.

Today
I am who I am
because yesterday
you were who you were
and that has made all the difference

So today, I let go of all outdated and outmoded emotional responses that do not work for my highest good or bring me closer to living my Soul's purpose. With Love and Gratitude for the learning I let him go.